Melancholia

Dec. 4th, 2011 09:17 pm
smackshack: a crude digital self-portrait (Default)
[personal profile] smackshack
Melancholia is a brilliant film, a cinematic tone-poem response to Hamlet's soliloquy. It's an exploration of depression, grief, and how to cope with the all-too-human absurdity of life in the face of death. It's beautiful, ravishing, and sometimes hard to watch. I absolutely adore it.

There was, however, one aspect of the movie that irked me, and I'm going to have to put it after the cut.

*SPOILERS*

You know that movie—let's call it Oscar-Bait Drama #3™—where the wealthy and successful but unhappy protagonist demonstrates the depths of his or her misery by ruining his or her impossibly lavish, ridiculously expensive wedding at the beginning, preferably by fucking a complete stranger at the reception? It turns out that there really is a way to make such a movie watchable by actual human beings, and that's by killing everyone and everything by smashing a rogue planet into the earth.

Therefore and henceforth let it be known: all filmmakers are hereby forbidden from making a movie in which a man or a woman introduces the audience to his or her despair by ruining a fabulous wedding by shagging a complete stranger unless you can raise the stakes higher than blowing up the whole goddamn planet. Henceforth and in perpetuity, failing to meet this standard in your personal vision of Oscar-Bait Drama #3™ will constitute a license for the audience to hunt you down, disembowel you with spoons, and feed your quivering bits to rabid lemurs. That is all.

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smackshack

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